Count Your Many Blessings02.25.15
This post in much more personal that I would normally write, but I feel the need to share my feelings for whatever reason.
Some of you may know this and others may not, but Jack and I have been trying to have a baby for a while now with no success. I have tracked my cycle, started my prenatal vitamins, exercised, and done every other trick in the book to keep my body in the ideal condition for a baby. But, no luck.
Every pregnancy announcement brings me to tears. I feel terrible that all I feel is jealousy and sadness during these wonderful moments of the lives of my friends and family. I remember the first month we started trying I would look down at my belly and whisper sweet things to the baby I thought was growing inside of me. I did this for the following two months because I felt that if I loved and wanted a baby bad enough that it would happen. This only brought more sadness into my life.
I thought that we would for sure be pregnant be Christmas and I could share the wonderful news with friends and family, but that obviously didn’t happen. the next couple of months, I will be able to go to the doctor to figure out why it is that we are having so much trouble getting pregnant. Hopefully, we will find answers that will enable us to grow our family in the near future.
It was so hard for me to understand why this wasn’t happening. Starting a family is a righteous desire and a commandment from the Lord, so why is it that we are having trouble starting a family? After so many months of discouragement, I’m tired of the overwhelming sadness I feel when a new cycle begins and there is still no baby inside of me. I’ve been looking back at the last few months to try to understand why Heavenly Father has withheld the blessing of a child in our lives.
Back in July, Jack and I made the decision to adopt a fur baby since we were having any luck with a real baby. Click here to read the story of how he came into our lives. Calvin keeps me going every day. He brings so much light, energy and happiness into our home and I can’t imagine what our life would be without him. He is my favorite little snuggle bug!
In January we made the decision to start the house hunt again. Walking away from our house last March was so difficult. It was hard to picture our family growing in any other home. We looked at about 7 different houses before we found the one. It could be that if we were pregnant at this time that we wouldn’t have been able to get this perfect house. The house isn’t flashy and elegant, but it is exactly what we want, and I’m excited to start this new chapter of our lives as Homeowners!
One other blessing that we have received is time. Jack and I have had so much time to spend together and strengthen our relationship. It’s nice having this time to be Jack’s wife and supporter. We can go to concerts together, go on last minute road trips and spend our weekends doing whatever we please. Not to mention that we get plenty of sleep.
Maybe a baby isn’t part of Heavenly Father’s plan for us right now, but I am learning to count my blessings in the mean time. Everything happens for a reason, and I am just going to continue enjoying this time with Jack and Calvin.